Thursday, March 28, 2013

Gear Review - Gaerne Balance Boot

The Gaerne Balance has been slated as the perfect Dualsport boot. The perfect combination of motocross protection, hiking boot support, and bedroom slipper comfort.
Blah blah blah. Eff all that. I ain't talking about your run of the mill creature comforts. "oooh, this boot makes my soles feel like unicorns humping infinite furry rainbows made of marshmallows and glitter"!

Nope. This boot isn't for happy trail riding tree-hugging hippies...



This boot is for the mother-effing-apocalypse!
That's right. End of the word time, bitches. Everyone you know and love is dead. Fire and brimstone. No more Donuts.

No.
      More.
               Coffee.

And you know what that means:
ZOMBIES
"What are you talking about?", you ask?  Well let me break it down for you. When the death and dying starts how prepared will you be? The end of the world is coming and you're gonna need some serious gear (Obviously a Military Tan KLR650 is a good start). The Gaerrne Balance has three solid adjustable straps, a reinforced tongue and rugged leather body to keep your feet and ankles are protected from all the bones flipping off your front tire when you're "braaap"ing through the wasteland. You can't go breaking an ankle after the apocalypse, or you'll be a dead man.

The Balance has a slip-resistant sole which gives traction in loose soil or oily parking lots which is key when battling zombies in close quarters. Plus the footbed is soft enough to keep your feet from bruising when running from the undead all day. The Balance is also waterproof up to the top of the boot, handy when standing in rivers of blood... Yup. You're also going to need a means of defense too like some crazy-ass slugger with chunks of metal hammered through it, you know a good ol' fashioned zombie-whacker.  The boot doesn't come with one, but since we're making a shopping list...
Photo by Miss Understood Photography
This boot definitely doesn't put form over function. With the oiled brown leather, gum sole, and rounded toe it's actually kinda ugly. But when you're riding for days on end, or hiking up into the mountains in search of food does its job very well, and who cares how it looks when you're out in the muddy thick of the Northwest. If you are worried about looks so can win the affection of a post-apocalyptic hottie don't count on the boots. Just do what I do, get yourself a sweet leather jacket, and grow a beard and a bad attitude. 
Photo By Artistic Cliques
Not gonna lie, the boot is expensive, but I've always been of the belief that if there's one thing worth spending money on it's your feet. If your tootsies are cold, cramped, or unprotected you are going to have a miserable tour... Er life after the earth falls. So throw down the coin and make the investment. Or just wait till the end of civilization and "acquire" some through a sketch trade on an abandoned highway through the desert knowing that they were taken off a dead man (ick).

Photo By Artistic Cliques

All kidding aside these boots have revolutionized my riding experience. They're comfortable all day on extended tours. My feet stay warm and are the driest part of my body even during torrential downpours. Hell I've even walked through the tide out to the shipwreck near Astoria and didn't spring a leak. The adjustable straps allow you to dial in the upper support on the boot, and the wide toebox stays comfortable even if you feel the need to layer up socks. A sound investment for dualsport riders who like long-distance tours, but also want to hop off and hike for a bit when you get way up in the mountains.

2 comments:

  1. Exactly how expensive ? I'm looking for my first set of boots for riding and these seem great

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    Replies
    1. I've seen them from $280 to $350 USD. Definitely call around to see if someone has them in your area so you can try them on.

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